once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize