My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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