She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
