Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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