well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
