My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
