With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize