My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
