Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
