Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
