I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
