Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
