He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
