soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
