Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
