apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
