the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
