I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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