my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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