i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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