I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
