i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
