i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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