there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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