Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
