Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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