I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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