I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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