I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
