and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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