you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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