My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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