as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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