DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
