I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
