Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
