after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
