Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
