just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
