I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
