Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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