After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
please come you make the beer taste better
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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