using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
