11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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