can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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