i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw a hot homeless man
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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