i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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