so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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