i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
