He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
