Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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