It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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