Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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