Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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