I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
