I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
