NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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