In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
