I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As shirtless as possible
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
