I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
