you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're like the curious george of whores
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
