Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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