the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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