if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
