I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
