loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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