sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We got so high we made milksteak
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize