I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
