The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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