hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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