Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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