First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize