I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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