Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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