dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
