but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My feet surprised me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
