Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
