TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize