Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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