Dual....:-)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
