i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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