who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Randomize
