good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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