covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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