My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
