I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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