Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize