She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
