i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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