i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think your dad took our porno
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
