Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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