I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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