I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
