; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
