Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
