DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
