a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
