I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
