there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
