haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
