I wanna bring you to show and tell
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
