I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
