never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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