We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
