The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
