Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize