Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize