I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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